The Legend of 2Byte Ike

Content warning: depictions of death

*: You have joined the chat

H4XX0R: It’s the best on the market

Jean_D’Oe: omfg

Rhapsodic: looooooooooool

Died_Richr: Dude, the coderipper is so noisy. you use that and you might as well be offering the sysops your head on a silver platter

H4XX0R: stfu, you know I’m right

You8Shit: OMG, no one likes you

You8Shit: keep talking like that, you’ll end up like 2Byte_Ike

H4XX0R: wtf is 2Byte_Ike?

Jean D’Oe: fr?

The_Last_Cop: fr?

6&Drugs: Yoooooooo

You8Shit: @BBones(Mod) this script kiddie doesn’t know the story of 2Byte_Ike

H4XX0R: ???

BBones(Mod): *wearily raises my old bones*

BBones(Mod): Well, well, well. Another scrub that thinks they can run with the pros

H4XX0R: fuck you, I’m pro

Jean D’Oe: Hush, mods are talking

BBones(Mod): Interrupt again, and I’ll ban you /srs

BBones(Mod): So, this was a couple years ago now. 2Byte_Ike was this n00b, like you, who came in here and did nothing but talk a big game. He’d start flamewars over dumb shit, tried to take credit for other people’s scores, and was generally an annoying pissant. So we pranked him every chance we got. We hid like 20 spycams over his pad, mailed him 200 gallons of lube, subbed him to a lifetime of pipefitting catalogues, delivered a box of actual bull shit, that kinda thing. We’d livestream his reactions to chat. He got so pissed, lol

BBones(Mod): One day, he DMs me saying he’s sick of being the butt of the joke all the time. I tell him log off then, but he wants to make the jump to being legit. I figure he approached me cause I’m the nicest of the mods here. I tell him, sure I’ll help you, but you gotta provide the job. I’m nice, but I’m not “waste one of my perfectly good leads teaching this rookie the ropes” nice. Plus, I hated the guy. He says “yeah sure” and jacks out.

BBones(Mod): I was hoping he’d come up dry and drop the idea, but a week later, 2Byte is in my DMs again, and saying “I got a lead”. I’m skeptical, but he’s like “check this out.” He sends me a link to this small digital solutions firm. At first, I’m unimpressed, it’s called something weird like Hesse Capital Divestments, but I do a quick recon and it looks legit. Turns out they handle a bunch of outsourced software updates for Titan Transnational’s internal filing systems. I look at the specs he’s got and the ice is serious but not the scariest I’ve seen. This is a mom & pop company. We’re well removed from playing with any of the really big boys. It actually seems like a perfect job for a first timer. I never did ask him where he got the mark, that’s my lesson learned. Always know your sources

BBones(Mod): So I go over the basics with him: planning out a run, how to be quiet in Netspace, how to steal and cover your tracks. I forward him a couple real icebreakers, nothing cutting edge, but actual breakers. To his credit, he doesn’t argue with me that whatever pet programs he likes are better. We do a couple practice runs, and I’m… not not impressed, but like, he’s actually been listening to what I’ve been saying, and he seems like he’ll be reliable enough to not get me caught

*: Tosj84 joined the chat

Tosj84: What’s good?

Rhapsodic: Sup tosj, it’s storytime with BBones. 2Byte_Ike

Tosj84: Oh sick

BBones(Mod): So the day comes, and we’re ready to go. I close all my Net connections except my emergency line, and the two of us jack in. We float around in Netspace for a bit, bouncing pings off random servers, obfuscating our digital trails, like I showed him. All systems are green, so we go in for the job.

BBones(Mod): We approach HCD and the first layer of ice looks like a dense thicket of gnarled trees. I probe the woods with a dummy program, and the branches actually grab it, crumple it up like trash. Then I hear something moving in the trees. Lots of somethings.

BBones (Mod): I turn to Ike, and he’s clearly nervous, so I tell him “alright, time to put your big boy pants on”. He calls up the icebreaker program, just like I taught him, and he begins to spray this acid code at the forest, melting a path through the trees.

BBones(Mod): He’s created a tunnel just big enough for us to crawl through. The forest doesn’t seem to be reacting, so I tell him we should go in–him first. It’s pretty claustrophobic in there, and I can hear the things in the trees. They’re moving around, and I just know the things are waiting for one of us to get caught by a branch before they go in for the kill. Eventually, one of them lands near our hole. It’s a big black bird, and it stares at us with a glassy yellow eye on the side of its head. We hold still while its eye scans around like a sec-cam, looking, but not noticing us, and the thing takes off.

BBones(Mod): Eventually, the forest thins, and we crawl out, unharmed. Ike’s looking pretty shook up, so I ask him if anything touched him. He says no, but just to be sure, I take a quick second to scan mine and Ike’s BIOS. Nothing seems out of place, I can’t see any malicious code. I make a decision, we continue, and 2Byte agrees with me, even though I can hear his voice shaking.

BBones(Mod): There’s a couple more pieces of ice after that, like a fairytale giant the size of a skyscraper stomping around on the other side of the woods. It tries to stomp us until my trusty blunderbuss blows one of its toes off and it waddles away. Then there’s a lag bog– this thick ooze that sucks you in and leaves your rig permanently swamped. We string a wire of code across it and tightroped over it. And there was something else…

You8Shit: There was the hangman

BBones(Mod): Right! There’s a construct shaped like a man hanging from a gallows. The damn thing is repeating this cryptic riddle, and won’t let us pass until we give him the answer. Luckily, 2Byte’s info includes the key, so we shout “Sleep!” and the trapdoor below it opens for us

BBones(Mod): Ike’s been getting more and more spooked and jittery after every piece of ice, but after the Hangman, he… Well he’s calmer, but now he’s just kind of flat and emotionless, and his movements are sluggish. I check his ping and it’s under a microsecond, so it’s not a connection issue. I ask if he’s okay, and all he says is “he can’t feel his body” and I’m like no shit, we’re jacked in, you’re not supposed to be able to feel your body. I figure he’s just in some kind of Netshock, too much stimulation from full brain immersion. Rookies get it all the time. But this is the worst case of it I’ve seen. He’s still moving along, listening to what I’m saying. I consider booting him as a liability, but we’re so close to the goal. I figure I can carry his ass across the finish line if it comes to it.

BBones(Mod): The last piece of ice is your classic bridge over a bottomless pit. Easy-peasy. Ike is following me at a shuffle, and I keep telling him to hurry up, but he’s moving like he’s swimming through icy waters. This guy is fried real bad, so I tether him to me, because once I reach the halfway point, the bridge starts crumbling behind us. Surprise sur-fucking-prise. We’re across the pit easy before the bridge finishes collapsing, and I drop Ike off and give him a full slap across the face. I tell him “What the hell man!? This is it, this is what you wanted!” And he just keeps staring at me with that sickly look and says “I feel so cold.” Whatever, I’m done with his bullshit, we walk into the server, ready to start pillaging.

BBones(Mod): I’m just starting to siphon credits out when I feel a bright red pulse from my emergency line. It can wait the five seconds for me to take this corp for all they’re worth and even leave some nasty surprises in its empty wallet. But the pulses come faster and faster, brighter and brighter, until I can’t ignore it.

BBones(Mod): I open my emergency channel. There are thousands of pending messages reading “GET OUT!!!” and “THEY GOT IKE!!!”

BBones(Mod): Now, I’m confused, cause 2Byte’s right next to me and sure, he’s acting weird, but his signal’s good and he hasn’t dc’d. I respond to one of the messages with the flick of a thought. “What do you mean they got Ike?”

BBones(Mod): The message comes back. “We were watching 2Byte_Ike through the spycams. Corpo goons with swords just kicked down his door and killed him!”

BBones(Mod): And I’m like, “That’s bullshit. He’s still here right next to me.” And I wave Ike over to me.

BBones(Mod): Then the message comes back. “They cut off his head – but it’s still jacked in!”

BBones(Mod): Ike’s right beside me now, his eyes are just showing static. Says “I feel so cold…” and he reaches for my neck.

BBones(Mod): Buddy, I’ve never jacked out so quickly in my life, creds be damned. I drop everything, forget the credits, grab my bug-out bag, and set my apartment’s self-destruct button to three minutes. By the time I’m down the stairs, out the door, and on a stolen hoverbike I can already see the blazing inferno out of the 12th story window of my block. I spent the next month in my safehouse.

H4XX0R: Bullshit

BBones(Mod): Oh yeah? Here’s the spycam video of 2Byte_Ike’s flat that night. url://zswibg245.vc4 Go on, download it…

H4XX0R: No way I’m following that

BBones(Mod): The weirdest part is some folks here were watching the whole thing, and Ike’s connection never broke. Even hours afterwards, the system showed him as jacked in, BMI connected and all that. Obviously, no one was dumb enough to go see if his avatar was still there at Hesse. But the next day, the fuzz came, took his severed head out of the rig, and shut everything down. But Ike’s connection is still on. You can check on the sidebar

BBones(Mod): @2Byte_Ike 

BBones(Mod): He takes a while to respond you have to ping him a bunch

You8Shit: @2Byte_Ike 

Tosj84: @2Byte_Ike 

H4XX0R: Not funny guys

Rhapsodic: @2Byte_Ike 

6&Drugs: @2Byte_Ike 

*: 2Byte_Ike has joined the chat

*: H4XX0R has left the chat

BBones(Mod): lol